Rose
by PeaceLoveParvati
Summary: Sam and Dean face their toughest challenge yet: dealing with a Pagan Goddess without killing her. Can Rose keep the Winchesters safe while staying safe herself? (Eventual Destiel, Sam/OC)
1. Snow Brings Us Together

_Prologue_

I was just watching him play in the snow. I shouldn't have been in the abandoned town at all; I knew hunters would be there soon. Tourists had been disappearing here, and I knew what that meant... I was hunting the creatures too. So maybe it wasn't that _I _shouldn't be here, but that _he_ shouldn't be. Because I can hide my identity, but he's just too young.

He threw a snowball at me, and laughed in delight when I froze it in midair. My poor baby, this was his first time ever having fun in the snow. Maybe having fun in general. He was giggling and climbing a snow mound when the Impala pulled to the curb. I thanked whoever was listening (probably Castiel, because he was the only family who really cared) that I wasn't showing any kind of power when they got here.

"Xander, come quickly baby!" I called as loudly as I dared. Thankfully, he just listened to me. He ran over, hiding behind my legs. I bent down to talk to him. "Baby, we can't show any kind of ability here, okay? None at all. We won't be safe if these people see us," I whispered.

"Okay, Momma," he whispered back, shooting me a smile. I smiled back, relieved that he seemed to be listening. "We be normal?" I nodded.

The car doors slammed shut and I stood to face the two brothers. I knew them; of course I did. I couldn't show them that, though. To them, we'd just be two tourists who were in danger. That's how it had to be, at least for now. Maybe someday I'd reveal myself, but not when I had Xander with me.

"Ma'am, it's not safe here!" the oldest called to me as they drew near. I smiled at him.

"I don't see any danger. My son and I were just playing in the snow. We're on our way to visit my brother," I told him, not lying.

"This town is abandoned. You didn't notice that?" Sam Winchester asked me, coming up close. He was frowning, clearly confused about my lack of self-preservation.

"I did notice. I just figured it was a ghost town. You know, like the ones out west for tourists?" I shot back. His frown deepened. And then my cover was completely blown.

Castiel appeared directly beside Dean Winchester, making the signature sound of wings. I sighed in defeat and carefully picked up Xander.

"Cas! You can't just appear in front of mortals like that! She's freaking..." he turned to look at me and took in my annoyed expression. "... out."

Cas turned to me with an equally annoyed expression. "Rose, what have I told you about the Winchesters? They are under my protection! There is no reason for you to be here talking to them at all! It puts them in danger," he snarled, stepping even closer to Dean.

"Cas, we were just passing through. I'm trying to get to your father, and Xander wanted to play in the snow. You can't fault me for that!" I snapped, backing away. Both Winchesters looked alarmed.

"You know each other?" Sam asked. I turned to explain.

"I'm Rose, and this is my son Xander. I know who you are already, believe me. I'm not exactly a mortal, but I'm sure as hell no angel. Just as Gabriel has posed as a pagan God, I _am_ a pagan Goddess. But I'm not a danger to you or any other mortal, as Castiel seems to be convinced. I'm here to help! But today, I just wanted to let Xander have his first snow day," I explained, hoping to get out of this unscathed.

The brothers looked unconvinced, and I saw Dean draw out his silver knife. I shot a look at Castiel, but he held his arms out for the child. I rolled my eyes and handed him over, then held out my arm for the brothers to run their tests on. All of which I passed.

Just as I thought I'd get away, I heard the voice in my head. The one person I'd been actively avoiding, and he was finally making himself known. _Why it looks like you're in a bit of a jam. Be sure to call Sammy a moose; he just loves that!_

"Gabriel!" I grumbled under my breath. _In the flesh... in a manner of speaking. But they don't even know I'm alive, kiddo. I'd appreciate keeping it that way for a while. Do you want my help or not?_ "I'd rather die!" I said out loud. Both brothers gave me a look.

"Are you alright, Rose?" Cas asked, concerned. I sighed and nodded.

"Just been a long day. Somebody... out to get me, I guess you could say." _Now that's just rude! I'm not out to get you, I simply want to make my nephew happy! He deserves fun as much as the next child._

I chose to ignore him, and turned my attention back to the Winchesters. "Am I free to go?" I asked, holding my arms out for my child, who was handed to me. Dean nodded, but Sam looked torn.

"What if we need her help, Dean?" he asked. I could read his emotions though, and I knew why he really didn't want me to go. He was attracted to me. How flattering.

"I'll hear your prayers just like Cas or Gabriel would. Just think my name, and I'll be there. But I won't be bringing Xander anymore. He isn't safe outside of our home," I replied, stepping back. He looked unconvinced. "Look, try it now. I can't actively read your mind, but if you think to me, I'll hear it. Try it; I'll respond."

_Rose... if you can hear me... this is stupid._

"It's not stupid! It's no more stupid than when you pray to Castiel here," I snapped, offended. Dean was confused, but Sam just smiled.

_Good to know, Rose. How does... do I have to think your name every time?_ "No, not if you picture me. My name is just an easy way to tie in who you want to be talking to. Like I said, I'll come if you call," I told them. And then I was gone.

Not even two days later, I was getting a call from my favorite set of hunters. _Rose, please! If you can hear me, I need you!_

But it wasn't Sam, like I'd expected. It was Dean, and he sounded terrified. My initial thought was that something awful had happened to Castiel. But that wouldn't explain why Sam hadn't been the one who called. So... Sam maybe? And with that thought, I was appearing beside Dean, closer than I'd intended. He flinched away from me, but I could see the relief in his face.

"I didn't know what else to do. The demons took Cas, and Sam has been gone for a full day. I can't get ahold of him, he won't answer his phone, and I can't find where they're keeping Cas! I didn't know who else to call," he explained. I nodded, taking it in.

"I can sense Castiel. He's close. But Sam..." I closed my eyes to concentrate, and felt myself being pulled to the opposite side of the country. I opened my eyes again, completely alarmed. "What the hell?!"

"What, what's wrong with Sammy?" Dean demanded, instantly in front of me.

"He's... unharmed. But..." I paused, unsure of how to explain. And really there was only one explanation. "Oh... Gabriel."


	2. I Knew You Were Trouble

"... Gabriel?" Dean asked, clearly thinking I was insane. This meant an explanation that I didn't want to give. Seemed like I'd have no choice.

"Sit down for this lesson in Pagan history, honey," I told him, sitting myself down at the motel table. It was a crappy room, but I'd been told that's what they were used to. Whatever.

"History? What the hell does this have to do with Gabriel and my Sammy?" he demanded.

"Gabriel and I go way back. This is exactly the kind of thing he'd do," I informed him, closing my eyes for the memory.

_"Rosie, why are you running? You know you can't resist it!" he shouted, chasing after me. He'd been trying for months now to get me and Kali apart. Kali was my sister, my best friend, sometimes my world. The only real family I had left that I knew for a fact loved me. But Loki loved her too._

_"I'm running because I don't want to see you, Loki. I just want to get home to Kali; she's waiting for me," I snapped, speeding up. I could just pop out, but that would be rude, and Loki would react accordingly. I'd learned that the hard way._

_But that's what I came to tell you! Kali finally agreed to be my wife, which means she's not sitting at your house, on your chair, waiting for you. She's lying in my bed, waiting for me to deliver the news," he shouted, stopping. I froze, unable to comprehend what he was saying. _

_"No... you're wrong. You can't... she wouldn't leave me like that!" I shrieked, finally just popping home. But he was right, my house was empty. He'd come and taken the only thing I cared about. _

_It wasn't until about three months later that I realized he'd actually kidnapped Kali to convince her. She hadn't been waiting in his bed at all, but had been locked in the cellar waiting to be freed. And because I'd listened to the Trickster, she'd been forced to agree to be his bride. _

_And by the time I'd gotten the strength to fight him, the relationship was over and he was revealing his true identity, Gabriel, son of God. There was nothing I could do, and I'd never gotten Kali back. By the time she could come home, she no longer cared to. _

"This is what Gabriel is trying to do to you. I should have known," I finished. Dean was frowning, trying to connect what little he knew to the information I'd just given him. "I'm not mentioned as anything to Kali or Loki. When they shared their tales, I was left out. And my name isn't really Rose, that's just for the time period. My name is, or was, Freyja. Loki had a good time trying to... you know what, it doesn't matter. Do you want to deal with Gabriel or the demons who have Castiel? Because you can choose and I'll deal with the other."

"I... can I trust you to bring my brother home?" he asked me seriously.

"You can. As long as I can trust you to make sure my cousin is safe. Castiel is the only family I have left that I truly care about. And even though he seems like he's annoyed with me, I know he loves me too," I replied, equally serious.

"You can trust me. Point me in the right direction and I'll save my angel," he told me, smiling. I nodded and gave him directions to the warehouse they were holding Cas in. "Good luck," he told me before climbing into that Impala and driving away.

Across the country, I could feel Gabriel with Sam now. They were talking, and Gabe was blocking me from overhearing without directly popping in. My blood boiled with anticipation. I never really got my revenge on Gabriel for stealing my sister away, and now I had the perfect excuse. I made sure to pop in right behind him, where I Knew it'd take him a minute to discover me. Sam saw me, but kept his expression neutral so he didn't give me away. I shot him a smile in thanks, and heard his voice in my head.

_He's had me here for at least a day, and I haven't been able to leave this room. Please tell me you came to get me out?_ I nodded. Then I brought my hand back and smacked Gabriel's head as hard as I could. Because I was a Goddess, that was pretty hard. Unfortunately, it's hard to knock an angel out, which I was counting on.

"OUCH!" he shouted, whirling around to face me. He was glaring, as if that would intimidate me.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, Gabriel? Kidnapping a Winchester? Do you know where your brother is right now? And it's your fault!" I shouted, letting my rage show. I had to contain myself a little, because Sam is of course still human.

"I don't care where Castiel is! I'm more concerned with you trying to take my head off!" he snapped, rubbing the back of his head still. I rolled my eyes.

"And what exactly is the point of stealing Sam anyways? It's not like you can do anything with him. He's nothing like Kali; he won't turn his back on his family!" I exclaimed. Gabe smirked at me.

"I knew you never got over that," he muttered, making me want to just kill him. I didn't care that he was God's child. He was going down!

"GET YOUR ASS OUT OF HERE NOW BEFORE I DESTROY IT!" I shouted, using the last of my self-control. I think Gabriel must have realized that, because he was gone within seconds. I sank down onto the elaborate bed to calm myself down before facing Sam.

I felt his hand on my shoulder before I looked up. He was smiling down at me, but I could see the concern in his eyes. "You okay?" he asked gently.

"Yeah, fine. Just reigning in my temper. I have to keep in mind that you're human," I replied.


	3. Welcome to the Family

Sam kept his hand on my shoulder until I calmed down enough to stand. I faced him and gave him a small smile in thanks, which he returned. I could tell he was exhausted, which begged the question of what it was that Gabe had done to him. I sighed and placed my hand on his arm.

"What exactly did that idiot do to you?" I asked, wary of the answer.

"He just wanted me to hear him out, I think. Talking about how he did what he had to do to survive. We thought he was dead. He left ashes in the shape of his wings, for god's sake! I thought Lucifer had killed him, and I mourned. Now I won't make that mistake again, even if he does die for real. I'm done dealing with Gabriel," Sam replied harshly.

"Gabe has an... odd way of dealing with things. He probably didn't even think about the fact that he was hurting you. Doesn't make it any better, but at least now you can kind of understand. He doesn't think about human reactions. Angels like him aren't meant to have emotions. They're just supposed to follow God's law, and my brother is really stupid about his laws. So some of the angels had to make their own emotions, and Gabe... didn't model his after humans. He modeled his after us Pagans. Then he tried to make a home with us, by pretending he was one of us. And him being the most powerful Archangel doesn't help," I explained, feeling the odd need to justify his behavior. What? He was still technically family... even if I did hate him.

"So you're saying what he did is okay?" Sam asked angrily.

"No. I'm saying he doesn't know that he's wrong, and he won't unless someone takes the time and energy to explain it. In detail. Which is going to have to eventually be me. I'd say Kali, but she is far worse than Gabe when it comes to emotion," I replied.

"Kali? As in... the goddess? His ex?" he demanded.

"My sister. And yes, his ex. The Goddess," I sighed. "Look, Dean is really freaking out. He's the one who called me. He went and got Castiel while I came to get you, and he should hopefully be done by now. So ready to go back to that motel?"

Sam nodded and closed his eyes, probably expecting the clumsy angel-travel that Castiel did. Fortunately for him, I could do better. I summoned as much strength as I could get without showing my true form, and stepped to the side, pulling Sam with me. Immediately, as if I'd stepped through a doorway, we were in the motel room, right in front of Dean and Cas. I smiled at them, then looked over at Sam, whose eyes were still shut.

"Are we going or what?" he demanded, opening his eyes again. The look on his face would be my entertainment for days. "How... How?!"

"I'm not an angel, love. I'm much, much better," I giggled, letting go of his arm and dropping myself onto the small couch. "How do you feel? Both of you?" I added, addressing Sam and Cas.

"Fine. Dean arrived before any damage could be dealt," Cas replied, cutting off Sam's million questions. I shot Dean a smile, and he nodded shortly, walking over to check Sam out and make sure he wasn't injured.

"What did that dick want with you, Sammy?" Dean asked, pressing on his ribs briefly.

"To try and get me back on his side. Just talking, he didn't do anything to injure me, Dean," Sam replied, shoving Dean away gently. I turned to meet Castiel's eyes, and I knew it was time for me to be going.

"Well boys, as fun as this reunion seems, I need to get back. Call me if you need me," I said. And I was gone before they could utter a single word.

I knew as well as Cas did that he couldn't really hurt me. But that angel was as possessive as all the others, and if he thought his humans were in danger... let's just say it wouldn't be pleasant for me. And would take more power than I wanted to generate to heal myself fully. So I left, even if it wasn't what I wanted to do. And almost immediately, Sam was trying to summon me back. Unfortunately, only Dean knew my true name (and Cas, but fat chance of him giving it out. He didn't like me at the moment.), so he couldn't do the ritual. He had to call and hope I'd respond. Which I couldn't.

_Why did you walk out so fast? I wanted to thank you. Dean did too, he's a bit put-out. What's up with Cas anyways? He was so tense when you were here, and as soon as you were out of sight he relaxed. I thought you said he was your family..._

That kid would have more questions that anyone I have ever faced before. Well, I wouldn't respond. This wasn't an emergency, and he didn't need me. No matter what I thought of Castiel's behavior, I wasn't going to step on his toes. He was family, and I did love him. Couldn't say the same for Gabriel anymore, not after Kali. But Castiel was like the brother I wanted to have.

_Hey, uh... this is awkward. Sammy really wants you to come back, and I got Cas to promise to behave. He explained about his... claim on us, and that he thought you might... I don't get it. I don't know what he expected, it's not like anyone could take us from him. But he's agreed that you don't qualify as a threat, and he wants to apologize. It would mean a lot to Sammy... and I want to thank you too._

Dean's call was... harder to ignore. I couldn't get emotionally attached to these brothers. I just... couldn't. No matter what Castiel told Dean, I knew what he was thinking and feeling. I'd had a claim like that on Kali, and I knew what it felt like for it to be broken with so much... disrespect. While I meant no disrespect and wouldn't break it, the threat would always be there. And even though I could tell Cas really just wanted Dean, he'd issued the claim on both of them.

_Freyja, I am sorry. I was wrong. I can feel what you feel, and you need not avoid the Winchesters any longer. Though I must warn you, if you harm them, you will suffer deeply. Dean Winchester is not to be touched. However, I know what you may think of Samuel, and he is yours if you wish it. I have retracted my claim on him so that you may place your own. That would allow you to see them at any time you wished, and would ensure no pain for either of us._

That was all I needed. In a flash, I was back in the room and hugging Castiel. There was no current emotion towards Sam, but I knew as well as Castiel did that something was developing. Being old creatures gives some perspective in that. I turned towards the Winchesters and held my hand out to Dean. Cas growled under his breath and I quickly retracted it, shooting him a small glare. Fine, I'd claim Sam first.

"Sam, I'm going to do something just real quick... hold still," I told him, stepping forward. Then I looked back at Cas. "The shoulder, right? Matching marks?" He nodded. I placed my palm on Sam's shoulder and concentrated on making the claim. He let out a gasp as my hand burned through the fabric of his t-shirt and left a hand print on his shoulder. I smiled at my handiwork and stepped back again.

"What was that for?" Sam asked. He wasn't angry, and that was what let me know that he was more grateful than annoyed.

"It's a claim. It basically tells all others to keep their hands off or die a painful death. Mostly aimed towards Gabriel, but he's been known to... ignore claims," I explained. Dean shot me a pained look that was laced with pity and I ignored him.

_It will do. I am proud of you, Freyja. You have grown to be very mature from what you once were._ I shot Cas a glare and spoke out loud. "You're one to talk. You haven't grown yet, have you?" He winced and turned away.

"Um... anyways. We were about to get some dinner. Would you like to join us, Rose?" Sam offered, trying to clear the tension. I smiled.

"Mind if I grab Xander? He's getting stir-crazy," I asked. Both Winchesters nodded.

This was the beginning of something very good, I could see it. As long as Gabriel kept his hands off of what was mine, this would work out just fine. But when had Gabriel ever followed the rules?


	4. Missed Calls

A month passed with no word from Gabriel. I hadn't been back to see the Winchesters, but Castiel and I were talking everyday about them. I was learning things I'd only guessed, and bonding with Cas in ways we never could have before. Claiming a set of brothers apparently brings family closer.

In all honesty, I'm not sure what I was to Castiel. I wasn't technically related to God... but at the same time, he was my brother. So that would make Cas my nephew. But I wasn't his aunt. We just always called each other cousins, because it's the easiest way to describe our familial bond. I no longer claimed Gabriel as family.

Sam and Dean called for me almost every day. After the first two weeks of no response, Dean stopped calling every day and only called when Sam seemed to be the most upset. Sam never gave up, no matter how hopeless it obviously was. They didn't need my help, and I could feel that Sam was perfectly fine. I knew from Cas that Dean was too. Better than fine, actually; they'd finally somewhat admitted their feelings. They weren't technically together yet, but it was only a matter of time before one of them broke and asked about it. My bet was on Dean, because Cas had endless patience.

The calling was like clockwork. Every morning when he first woke up, his first thoughts were to me. This morning was no different.

_Rose, please. I haven't seen you in a month. I feel like I'm missing a part of myself, and maybe it's just the new bond, but I don't think so. I just want to see you... to have a conversation that isn't one-sided._

Then, midday, he'd start thinking at me again. But this time, he didn't. I felt through the bond the second I knew he wasn't going to, but he was fine. Not in any danger, just... depressed. And usually that's when I'd get a message from Dean, but this time he seemed to be hiding it better, because there was nothing from him either.

The final time he usually called for me was right before he fell asleep, begging me to be there when he woke up in the morning. That he just wanted to see me, to make sure it was all real, that I didn't just abandon them. But I knew it was because he wanted to be with me. I was feeling the same way. But I had Xander to take care of, and a world to keep watch over. A hunter could not have all of my attention, no matter how badly he wanted it. No call came that night either.

I called for Castiel, and he appeared beside me almost instantly. "I fear I've made a mistake, cousin. I was trying to keep him safe, but I was also avoiding him... and I think I hurt him worse than I've helped him," I said immediately.

"It is true that he is hurt. But I believe he understands what you are attempting to do. Tell me, Freyja, do you not feel for him what he feels for you?" he asked. I sighed.

"I do, of course. But... I have an entire world to care for. And a son who needs me constantly. Every time I leave him, he could be hurt or killed. It's like dangling him before Gabriel and saying 'here, have a snack!'" I replied.

"Samuel cares for Xander as much as he cares for you. He has asked after you both every time I go to see Dean. Perhaps you should visit tomorrow, with your son. I believe it would brighten everyone's moods," Cas told me.

"He stopped calling for me today. I don't think he wants to see me anymore, Cas," I informed him.

"He has simply given up," he replied. "He believes you are not listening. It was Dean that gave him the idea of just stopping altogether. I believe it is his final attempt at getting you to come to him."

"It very nearly worked this afternoon. I was alarmed, until I checked the bond. If you believe it would help, I will bring Xander to visit them tomorrow. Will you come with me?" I asked. He nodded, looking pleased. I wondered to myself if this was part of Dean's plan too. Getting Castiel to convince me wouldn't be very hard... I stopped myself from following that train of thought. Whatever their plan had been, it had worked. I didn't need to know or hear the details.

****Timejump****

In the morning, I dressed Xander carefully to resemble a human. He and I stuck out if we weren't careful, and I knew it. I didn't know what exactly the Winchesters would want to do today, so I dressed for the weather, with careful layers in case they just wanted to stay in. For all I knew, they were on a hunt. While Xander would be fine if he was with someone, I wasn't thrilled about the idea of him on a hunt at only three years old.

Castiel appeared only ten minutes after we were ready to go. I knew that Sam was awake, but once again there had been no call. I was at my wit's end, ready to tear the world apart to find out what was going on with him. Why wasn't he calling me anymore? Did he hate me now? No... I wiped that thought from my mind.

"Are you ready?" Cas asked, offering his arm. I smiled and nodded but didn't take it.

"I got this, Cas. I'm going to travel my way, and I'll meet you there. See you in a moment!" I replied, stepping to the side. I only just heard his chuckle before we disappeared and reappeared... right in front of Sam.

His reaction was the greatest thing I'd seen all month. He jumped back in shock and fell over his bed, landing on the other side. Xander laughed so hard I thought he'd cough up a lung, and Dean was laughing too. I just smiled in amusement and let my son down. He ran over to Sam and sat on his chest.

"You 'kay?" he asked, smiling. Sam smiled back, and I was glad to see that he seemed happy. I met Cas's eyes as he touched down by Dean and saw that he was happy too. Guess it was good to have the whole family together again.

"Yeah... I'm fine," Sam muttered. Xander got up and let Sam stand before latching himself to his leg. I frowned, wondering what was going on with my son. He was never this clingy, not even with me. "What... why are you here? Is there some danger that we don't know about?"

"Nope. Just thought we'd come visit. It's... been a while," I replied. I hoped he could see the regret in my eyes, because I wasn't going to voice it.

"Yeah, we've only been calling you every day," Dean grumbled, stepping slightly closer to Cas. I sighed.

"Dean, you stopped calling me after two weeks. That is not every day," I snapped, sitting down on the small couch. It was almost a replica of the first one I'd sat on when visiting them. Could they not get a better motel? Really?

"I stopped because I could tell you weren't going to come. Would you have even come if we really needed you?" he demanded, glaring at me.

"Of course! I checked the bond for danger every day, several times. I was paying attention, I just knew that you didn't need me. The second you needed me, for real, I would have been here. I almost came when you got caught by those vamps... but Castiel was already there and you hadn't called for me anyways," I replied. I was very carefully not meeting Sam's eyes.

"So you know all about what we've been up to. What have you been doing then?" Sam asked softly. I sighed.

"I was raising my son, keeping him safe. Keeping an eye out for Gabriel. Talking with my sister and trying to determine what his goal is. I've been doing a lot of work at keeping you both safe, and talking with Castiel quite a bit too. I've been with you, just not physically. I'm not sure it's even safe for me to be here now, but... I was convinced that it would be a good idea to spend a day visiting. And maybe I should have done it sooner, but... I don't... It's complicated, you'll just have to trust me," I explained.

"I'm supposed to believe that you're here just because you decided it's a good day to visit?" Dean demanded. Cas placed a hand on his arm in warning.

"I'm here mostly to visit. Partly to... fix my mistake. When you _both_ stopped calling me, I realized maybe it would have been a good idea to respond every once in a while," I said quietly. I wasn't going to let Dean make me feel more guilty; I didn't need that.

"And today is the day to do that?" Sam asked. I nodded.

"She is here, and so is her son. She is going to be here all day. Shall we do something besides interrogate her?" Castiel asked, frustrated. Apparently this is not what he wanted for today.

"We were planning on relaxing today, Cas. We weren't going anywhere, and I for one don't want her here to ruin it. Danger seems to follow her," Dean snapped, turning his back on me. I winced, knowing he was right.

"I'm... sorry. I'll just take Xander and go. We won't bother you again," I whispered, holding my hand out to Xander. I was fighting my tears and ready to leave when I felt Sam's hand on my arm. It hurt, being rejected by people you considered family. I didn't want to stay to be rejected even more.

"Don't go. Dean is just frustrated. We haven't had a hunt in a few days, and he's getting antsy. We want you here, really," he said quietly. Dean didn't turn back around, but I could see that Cas was whispering to him angrily, and it seemed to be effective. The tension in his shoulders was draining out.

"If Dean doesn't want me here, I can't stay. It would go against the bond he and Castiel have, and I'm _not_ going to break a bond between two people who clearly love each other," I told him. "But... I don't think it would hurt anything if you wanted to come with me. Just for a few hours. I'm just going home, but you might like to see it. It's brilliant," I added.

His smile lit up the whole room as he took my other hand. "I'd love to see it! I've heard Cas describe it before, and it sound amazing!" he gushed. I smiled at him and gripped his hand tightly, taking a step to the side before Castiel or Dean could stop us. This would be fun!


	5. My Humble Abode

Sam seemed to be in awe of my home. It was true that it wasn't small. Anything that Xander had ever asked for was here, as well as many things I'd wanted or needed over the centuries. I didn't ever get rid of things, because you never know when you'd need them again. Most of the objects I didn't use everyday were behind the multiple closet doors down a long hallway at the back of the house.

The house was located on a plane that humans couldn't get to. Angels could travel here, and powerful demons like Crowley could occasionally get in if I allowed it. The other Pagans could, when I invited them. But humans couldn't even see it unless I brought them in. Sam was the first human to ever enter.

The room we were in now was the living area. There was a door leading to the kitchen, one to the main hallway, and one to Xander's playroom visible from where we were. It was decorated normally, with cream and light green furniture and walls. There was carpet, because wood floors just bothered me. The hallway had the doors to the bathroom, my bedroom, and Xander's room (which was of course connected to his playroom). My room had the door to the hallway with all of the closets for storage.

Sam looked around for a bit, not daring to leave the room apparently, which I found amusing. I watched him, taking in his expressions. Xander tugged his hand out of mine and took off for the playroom, pausing to look back at me and make sure it was okay. I nodded, relenting, and he disappeared.

"This... this is amazing. Where is it?" Sam asked, pulling my attention back to him.

"Not in the human realm. Not heaven either, before you ask. It's kind of my own plane of existence. Humans can't get here, but angels can. You're the first mortal to set foot in my home, just so you know," I informed him.

"Thank you," he said. I could tell he really meant it.

"Are we just going to play house, or do you want to actually _see_ the house?" I asked, smirking. He blushed, which I thought was just adorable. _You're falling for the moose? Oh how precious!_ And Gabriel was back, how wonderful. I made a wall in my mind, keeping him out for the time being.

"I'd like to see the rest, if you don't mind..." Sam admitted. I nodded, smiling.

"Of course I don't mind! This has to be interesting for you. What would you like to see first?" I asked.

"Anything you want to show me," he replied. I thought about it for a minute, before deciding to show him the view first. I led him over to the window and tugged the curtain open, displaying the waterfall that I'd chosen just last night.

"The view changes whenever I get bored with it. Last night I set it to this, because I was trying to sleep and the jungle I'd had was too... exciting. I thought maybe water would calm me down, because I wasn't..." I trailed off, realizing that I'd just admitted to being worried yesterday.

"What was keeping you up?" Sam asked slyly, wanting me to fully admit it.

"Just... bad thoughts. Things that shouldn't have kept me up but when does that ever work in our favor? Even immortal Goddesses have bad dreams and get stressed," I babbled, trying not to blush. I wouldn't show him how much it was embarrassing me.

"Uh huh. I have nightmares every night, of when I lost Dean. Gabriel killed him more times than I can count. And he was stuck in Hell for a while too. That's what keeps me up at night. When I close my eyes, I just see him dead again," he told me quietly.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it still affected you like that. I should have guessed you'd have a harder time with it than you would with your normal hunts... it's been a while since I've been around humans," I apologized.

"Not your fault," he replied passively. Still, I vowed to myself that I'd personally give him better dreams. Gabriel wasn't the most powerful being in the world, after all. He didn't have more power than a Goddess. And I had a feeling that Gabe was the one giving Sam bad dreams, probably hoping Sam would turn to the archangel for help. Well, he was going to get help from someone else.

"Still. Anyways, I'll show you the actual house now. The kitchen is through that door, but that's pretty much a dead-end. That door that Xander escaped through goes to his playroom, which is connected to his bedroom. He could just live in those two rooms, I'm pretty sure. I've fixed it so that if he wants something, it just appears. Well, anything within reason. He can't want a shotgun and get it just like that . But a teddy bear will just appear in his arms. Then the last door there leads to the hallway, which goes to the rest of the house," I explained.

**Timeskip**

Showing Sam the house took an hour and a half, because he kept asking questions about random objects he'd never seen before. Which included my angel armor, my futuristic coffee pot, a demon blade that he'd never come across, and multiple other non-human objects. The thing that interested him the most was an angel feather. He'd never seen Cas's wings, and I had one of his feathers from years ago, before they burned to black in Hell.

"So, do you like my home?" I asked, already knowing the answer. He nodded enthusiastically.

"Very much! This is amazing! Thank you for bringing me here. I feel like I learned so much today," he told me, meaning every word.

"I have something for you. To help protect yourself against Gabriel," I told him, pulling a small-looking knife from my pocket. It was beautifully crafted (I'd know; I'd made it years ago when Loki had stolen my sister from me), and I was almost hesitant to part with it.

"What... what kind of blade is that?" he asked, taking it when I offered it to him.

"It's made from one of his feathers. It's one of the only blades in the world that can harm or kill him. The second he sees that, he'll be running from you, I guarantee it. I made it centuries ago, when everything happened with Kali. Who, by the way, was a completely different person before Gabriel came along! Or... Loki, I guess. She's... she's still my sister. She's just not the same person anymore," I explained.

"And you're giving it to me?" he asked incredulously. I rolled my eyes.

"Well, yeah! He's going after you for some reason, and we're bonded. I want you to be safe, especially if something happens and I can't come right away," I replied. "Gabriel has a talent for choosing times when I can't be around. That's how he snatched Kali away. He set off a volcano and called all the Gods to it, then snatched Kali at our home."

"Thank you. I can't tell you how much I appreciate this," he said, meeting my eyes.

"It's no trouble. I'd give you anything if it kept you safe," I told him without thinking. Thankfully, Xander came running out and threw himself into my arms before Sam could react.

"Momma, hungry!" he shouted, pulling at my hair. I sighed, trying not to roll my eyes at my son. I looked up at Sam to see him watching us.

"Are you hungry too? I can cook," I offered. He nodded, smiling.

"You're going to have to tell me how he came to be," he whispered to me in passing, so Xander wouldn't hear him talking about him. I nodded slightly, assuring him that I'd explain later.

**Timeskip**

Xander was happily playing again when Sam and I settled in the living room. I was exhausted, having been using my powers all day. I refused to let that show however, and I knew all Sam wanted to do was talk now. If he wanted to go home in the next half-hour, I'd just call Cas and make him do it. I was recharging.

"So, want to talk about Xander?" Sam asked, leaning back. I smiled.

"Sure. You want to hear the whole story?" I asked. He nodded. "Gods can't have children as easy as some beings can. It takes quite a bit more... but it can be done. And the best part is that any creature or being can impregnate us, humans included. It doesn't take work on their part; it takes work on ours. So for me to get pregnant with Xander, I had to do a couple of rituals and get this," I started, showing him my arm with the Enochian symbol. "Now I don't have to get another one; this lasts for any and all children I want to have. Xander has a little one on his shoulder that matches mine, and any other children I want to have will have it as well. My former mate had it on his calf. But... I'm not sure he knew that was there until the day he died.

"My former mate was an angel. For a time, the Pagans and the angels spoke and saw each other every day. Cas and I were the closest by far, but he was not ever my mate. Not even considered in the process. When I decided I wanted a child, this angel stepped forward and offered his services. But Cas didn't want me to do it... he made it very difficult to get away from him to actually make the baby. At night I'd do the ceremonies, and then during the day I'd spend time appeasing Cas. Finally, when I was able to get pregnant, I snuck away from Cas and met up with my angel. It only took one try to get pregnant. When Cas found out...

"Actually, the first time I'd spoken to him since Xander was conceived was when I first met you. He's forgiven me now, probably because he met Xander. But my former mate met his end just a month after our secret meeting... I know that Castiel killed him for this. In his eyes, I was harmed badly. I wouldn't change a thing now. And though I regret his death, I did not love that angel. I don't miss him," I explained.

"That's... wow. I didn't realize it was so complicated. Are you ever going to want another child?" Sam asked quietly. I shrugged.

"Depends on Xander mostly. If he wants a sibling someday, I could see myself having another child. But I'd like it to be someone I loved this time," I replied. He looked thoughtful.

"I bet you find that sooner than you expect," he said quietly. I was pretty sure I wasn't meant to hear it, but I had. "I think I should probably head back now. Dean has to be worried."

I took him back, ignoring Dean's glares and Cas's meaningful looks, and then went back home. I'd promised him I wouldn't ignore him again, and I meant it. But I'd also told him I couldn't come back everyday. He seemed to understand, but he didn't look happy about it. He was becoming too attached, and it was my fault. I just couldn't seem to back away.


	6. Ring Around the Kali

"You're being stupid, you know," Kali said. She'd just appeared in my home, sitting on the couch. Xander, seeing only his aunt, squealed and jumped into her lap, making her smirk. "Even your son thinks so. How long until you realize how dumb this is? The human can't give you what you want. What you'll inevitably need. You can't develop feelings for him. So I've come to make a... deal, you could say. Either the bond goes, or the human does."

I turned to stare at her. "You'd kill an innocent human because I've chosen to protect him?"

"I'd kill a human who has killed many others, and would kill one of us in a heartbeat! He only hasn't killed you because he's attracted to you! You need to wake up, Freyja. I don't know what's gotten into your head, but I don't like it," she snapped, pushing Xander off and standing. "Gabriel tells me that you nearly harmed him, and that's not like you!"

"Not like me? He stole you! I've been waiting for a reason to harm him for centuries, _sister_! Don't tell me it's not _like me,_" I shouted.

"I've given you your choice. You have until dawn tomorrow," she stated, disappearing.

**Timeskip**

In hindsight, appearing before two hunters when they aren't expecting you isn't the smartest thing to do. I should have expected the knife to the stomach that I got, but that didn't make it hurt any less. It made me feel slightly better that both brothers stumbled over each other to apologize when they realized it was just me and not some monster coming to kill them. I just calmly pulled the knife out and healed myself, trying not to let the pain show. Easier said than done.

"Guys, just stop. It's fine. I came to... well, I haven't decided what to do yet," I told them, sinking down onto their couch. This was becoming habit for me, and I didn't like it.

"What are you talking about?" Dean demanded, catching onto my hesitance immediately and noting the danger that presented.

"My sister... wants me to retract my bond with Sam. Ordinarily, I'd just ignore her and go about my life. But... she's threatened his life, which would make the bond useless anyways. And I know my sister; she'd go through with it and you couldn't stop her," I explained. "The only thing I can see appeasing her is to take the bond down."

"But you don't want to do that?" Dean asked. Sam was silent, watching me.

"No, I don't want to do that. It would leave him virtually defenseless. And since it's a Goddess bond, Castiel can't claim him after I've taken mine off," I replied.

"And why is she so insistent?" Dean asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

"_She_ sees the danger of a human loving a God," Kali spat from the doorway. "I knew you were going to do this! The choice is so easy, _Rose_! You shouldn't be attached to a mortal at all! If you had to make a bond, why couldn't it have been Castiel? Or Uriel? Anyone but a _human_!"

"What you fail to understand, Kali, is that mortals, _humans_, have their values! These hunters kill the creatures that would in turn kill us. Think of what would happen if Crowley came to you? Or Lucifer? You would be dead in a moment, because you've angered them far too many times. But Sam alone put Lucifer back in his cage, and Crowley has been distracted with keeping them on their toes. When is the last time you've been threatened by him? And don't ask me how I know; I have been watching you closely, _sister_," I snapped, moving to stand between Sam and Kali.

"Oh please. I know you wouldn't let Crowley kill me anyways. You're ridiculously attached to me; it's sad. Gabe says you've died for me twice. Well, I say died. We can't really die, now can we?" she laughed. "These hunters are a danger to this world. They've both died, they've both got evil in their veins! And you want to keep them safe? Trust me, _Rose_, they don't care about you at all. Your emotion is wasted on them."

Castiel chose that moment to appear. He must have sensed the fear and tension in Dean. I was glad he'd come, because I wasn't sure I could hold Kali back on my own. With Castiel here and on my side, she couldn't do anything. At least not while we were here.

"Kali, you've come here for what purpose?" he asked briskly.

"In a hurry, Castiel? Don't tell me you've got a bond with one too?!" she spat, taking a step back. She knew she was cornered.

"I am bonded with Dean Winchester. What do you want here?" Cas asked again.

"To rid my sister of her _human_. And now to rid you of yours. Castiel, we are better than this! At the very least, she is," she ranted.

"And yet she's chosen to stand by her bond. You'd dare to threaten that? You know how badly it hurts to break a bond; your own was broken many years ago and you have yet to recover, even as a new one claims you. And that is what this is really about, is it not?" he pushed. I began to understand why she was so adamant about this.

"Gabriel is pushing your bond on this, isn't he? He wants you to take me out of the picture, so he can get what he wants. Well, sister, you've failed. You can do nothing here, and you may as well GO!" I shouted, pushing out with my power to force her to leave. She disappeared immediately and I collapsed.

**Timeskip**

I woke up to hear Castiel explaining why I'd collapsed. Probably for the third or fourth time, because he wasn't explaining it well. He was going on about how I didn't have grace and my powers didn't generate on their own, but half of his words were Enochian, and he was just confusing them worse. I groaned and sat up.

"Cas, no offense, but shut up. You're not helping," I snapped. His mouth shut immediately and he looked embarrassed. "I appreciate you trying, but you were just confusing them. Half of what you were saying wasn't even English. Look, I pushed myself too hard, and I couldn't heal well enough while conscious and using my powers. I'm fine, but I shouldn't have used the extra power to push Kali out of this realm. I was still healing from the knife wound, and my reaction was emotional."

"Why emotional?" Sam asked, sitting down beside me to help me stay up. I leaned back into him cautiously.

"Because she threatened my bond. That's really... emotional for me. She knew that, and she knew what I'd do. She's trying to push my buttons right now. Just... I'm going to stay with you for a while, okay?" I asked. Both Dean and Sam nodded, like they'd expected that.

"I will be staying as well. Alone, Rose nor I are strong enough to stop her. But together, we are more than a match for her," Cas added. I smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"So she won't be back?" Dean asked. I sighed.

"Oh, she'll be back. Just not to hurt you, because she knows better now," I replied, relaxing more. "You're in more danger from me."

"What? Why would we be in danger from you?" Sam asked immediately, though he didn't tense or push me away.

"Because she is healing. Her power tends to... fluctuate. Anything could happen," Castiel explained for me. I just nodded, knowing they'd see soon enough.


	7. Tell Me a Story

_**Author's Note: There have been a few people pointing out to me that Gabriel wouldn't just run from a fight. I know that. I love Gabriel almost more than I love Castiel. But for the purpose of this story, Rose (Freyja) is his equal. Especially when she's angry. It will be explained why in later chapters, so for now you just have to trust me. :) I really appreciate the great reviews, and I even enjoyed reading the criticisms, believe it or not. I hope you're enjoying the story, and here's the next chapter!**_

**Third Person**

Kali was very angry. It wasn't the first time her sister had failed to listen to her, but it would be the last time. Gabriel was just sitting there, smirking at her. He'd let her rant for a while, then he'd taken her voice away. Now he was watching her storm around the house and destroy things. They'd agreed a while ago to give their relationship another chance, and he wasn't regretting it. But maybe she was.

"Are you through with your temper tantrum?" he asked, amused. She glared at him, bringing to mind the phrase 'if looks could kill'. "I guess that means no. Fine, I won't tell you my amazing plan."

She paused in her pacing, but her glare didn't die down. She gestured to her voice, trying to indicate her unhappiness stemmed specifically from that at the moment. Gabe sighed and waved his hand, giving her voice back.

"I want to hear your idea, but I want to be able to voice mine!" she screamed, hitting his arm as hard as she could. It had no effect, but it made her feel better.

"I'm sure you do. We just need to get your sister away from the Winchesters long enough for me to get Sammy again. Once we have him, she'll have to do whatever we want. You remember how bad it hurt you when the bond was forced to break all those years ago? It's twice as bad for her. She won't want to go through that pain again. Besides, she has an emotional attachment to this one. It'll hurt twice as bad if he is harmed or the bond breaks. And let's face it, babe, I don't care about the human's life," Gabriel replied, amusement lacing his tone.

He was lying; he didn't have any intention of harming Sam. But if he told Kali that, she'd never listen or help him. For now, he needed her cooperation. For him, this had only ever been about Freyja. Or Rose, as she now called herself. He'd been after her from the moment he met her, not that she'd give him the time of day.

"I like the way you think. I knew there was a reason I still put up with you," Kali was saying, finally sitting down. Gabriel fought the urge to smirk again. She "put up" with him because she had no choice. He was stronger than she was, even if he wasn't stronger than her sister. There was a reason for that, a reason he refused to acknowledge.

"Then we'd best get started. How good are your acting skills?" he asked instead.

**Rose's POV**

I was lounging on that couch for hours. I couldn't leave to check on Xander, and I couldn't fall asleep (not that I technically needed to; it just helped to replenish my power), so I was bored. Sam and Dean had been sleeping for a few hours, and Castiel was meditating. I'd never had the patience to meditate, which was frustrating for me.

"Please, Cas. I'm going to go crazy. Tell me there is _something_ we can do for entertainment!" I moaned, letting my head fall backwards to the couch. He opened one eye and gave me a dirty look.

"There is a television. Dean spends hours watching it. I recommend you attempt to do the same," he snapped, closing his eyes again. I sighed and turned to stare at the wall. I'd tried television a decade ago and found it not to my liking. My eyes were just drifting shut when someone sat down on the couch.

"You should be sleeping," I told him, turning to face him.

"I know. I just wanted to talk to you. What you're doing is really brave. Thank you for keeping my brother safe," Dean told me, reclining back on the couch beside me and smiling slightly.

"I didn't think you even liked me," I stated, surprised. He nodded in understanding.

"We've been betrayed more times than I can count, and I thought this would just be another one of those times. It helps that Cas likes and trusts you, but even he has betrayed us before. Now, with you helping Sammy like you are, I can tell that at least for now you really do want to help," he explained.

"In my life, I'll get one person that I can truly love and care for. I can open my heart to one person, and one person only. But... I was made for another. Maybe it's time I actually tell you just exactly who and what I am," I said, thinking out loud. He looked confused.

"You're not Freyja, the Pagan Goddess?" he asked.

"No, I am. But you didn't think I just came to exist by chance, did you? I was made for someone, from Grace. It's why I don't really know what to call Cas in relation to me. When God was making his angels, he realized that if they were to continue, there would need to be mates for them. Someone who is destined to be with them, to carry their children and keep them company, to be their equals. The first to be made was for Micheal. God took a piece of his Grace and fused it into a human body, making the first Pagan Goddess. But he made a mistake in making us; he gave us free will and emotion. Something he held back from his original angels. They aren't meant to have the emotions they've developed," I started.

"So you were made for someone? And your sister, Kali, is made for Gabriel?" Dean asked. I shook my head.

"No. I made Kali, because I was alone. I was the first to forsake my mate and decide he wasn't good enough for me. The others didn't like me because of that. It's how I got the title Goddess of Love in Norse mythology. As soon as I turned my back on my mate, he made it his mission to have me and everything that makes me. Because I have his Grace, I'm the only one in the world who can stand up to him, the only one who is his equal. Well, besides God. And occasionally Kali. I gave her just the tiniest piece of his Grace from inside of me, and it's what draws her to him," I answered.

"So your mate is..." Dean trailed off, a look of realization crossing his face.

"Gabriel," I nodded, confirming his fear.

"You're... mated to Gabriel?" Sam asked from behind us. He sounded broken.

"No. I chose not to. Shortly after I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, he started tormenting me. At first he was trying to change my mind. Then he was trying to trick me into mating with him. Then he was just causing mischief and trying to get me to give in, to go to him because I couldn't take the torture anymore. All attempts failed. Then, when nobody would talk to me, I made Kali. She was my sister, my only friend, the only person I trusted. And when Gabriel found out what I'd done, he stole her from me and made _her_ his temporary mate. He posed as a God and tried to woo her, but it failed. And then he tried to kidnap her, but I managed to keep him at bay. So he tricked me out of our home and stole her while I was away. She was never strong enough to keep him back, because she has very little power," I assured them.

"But you were made to be his perfect match?" Sam pushed.

"No, not a perfect match. I guess we were meant to be compatible, and I have infinite patience as a gift from God, because I'd need it to deal with him for eternity, but I always had a choice. God gave me my own voice, and I use it. Gabe didn't like that even when he thought I'd be with him," I replied.

"So that knife you gave me... that was a gift from him, wasn't it?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yes, he gave me the feather. He didn't mean for me to make it into a weapon though. And originally, I didn't. I displayed it, because the pure gold color was beautiful. And then he stole my world, and I wanted revenge. The knife was a way to insure I could get it when he pushed me far enough. And now he has," I told them.

"Pushed you too far? By doing what?" Dean asked.

"He has threatened the man she intends to mate with," Castiel stated, opening his eyes. "Freyja, you have forgotten that I was your friend through this. I was there with you when you created Kali, and when you forged the knife."

"I didn't forget. It just wasn't relevant to the story," I muttered. He looked like he wanted to roll his eyes so I sighed and corrected my mistake. "Fine, Castiel was my friend too. He suggested I make Kali, and he taught me how to use the Grace that keeps me alive. But because I'm not an angel myself, it drains me quickly. I have to sleep and eat to replenish my strength after doing big things. Like Gabe, I can make things out of nothing. I have a bit of a sweet tooth myself. I can do the angel-travel method, but I prefer traveling the way I do. I made the realm my home is in by myself, after Cas taught me how to manipulate it to make things that are big like that. He taught me almost everything I know."

"So you've been around..." Sam started, stopping himself.

"Wait, he threatened your potential mate? And who would that be?" Dean asked, catching the meaning behind what Castiel had said. I sighed.

"Doesn't matter right now. It's not relevant. We need to be ready for an attack, which means you both need to get more sleep. I would be sleeping if I didn't need to be awake to stop an attack if one comes. Having a piece of Gabriel means I know exactly what he's like and what he thinks. It's not a direct connection to his mind, but we're similar in lack of patience. Kali is even worse," I told them.

"If you need sleep, one of us could stay up and wake you if anything happens," Dean offered.

"If anyone is to do that, it would be me," Cas stated, looking annoyed. "I do not need sleep."

"I'd rather be awake for now, thanks guys," I replied, leaning back again. "Reliving the past makes me... anxious. So I'm okay being awake. I can feel my Grace charging anyways, it's just a bit slower," I added.

"If you're sure..." Sam said, looking unsure.

"I am. Get some sleep, Sam. You too, Dean," I said, giving them both a gentle shove towards their beds. They went, but I could tell they didn't want to. I was a bit smug when they were asleep within minutes. The smugness didn't last when Kali showed up again.

"Sister, we need to talk. Come with me?" she asked, frowning from the doorway. I sighed and stood, thinking she meant outside.

"Make it quick," I snapped. She grabbed my arm and I realized my mistake as she yanked me sideways and the motel room disappeared. In it's place was iron bars. She'd trapped me.


	8. Push Me, I Dare You

"I can't believe you fell for that! You've gone soft, Freyja. I'm almost sad for you," Kali laughed, lounging in a chair just out of my reach. "I hope you know that Gabriel is tearing your mate apart right now."

"No he isn't, Kali. I'd feel it. Gabe isn't anywhere near my _mate_. But thank you for your concern. In honesty, Gabriel doesn't know where my _mate_ is right now. And I say it like that because I have yet to truly mate with anyone. The last person I attempted it with tragically died. Remember? Gabriel tore him apart in revenge," I snapped, trying to distract her as I powered up my Grace to break out.

The truth was, Gabriel was talking to Sam and Dean while Castiel just watched. His bonded wasn't in danger, but mine quite possibly was.

_I don't know where you are, but I think it'd be a good idea to tell you that we're fine. He isn't here to hurt us. He wanted you, but I know you're safe. Cas told me a few days ago that I'd feel it if you weren't._

I decided now was the time to test the bond's limits. I tried to send a message back to him. **I'm fine, Sam. Just trapped for a bit. As long as you're okay, I'm going to stay here and get information about what the hell they want from me.**

_Like I said, I'm fine. Since when can you talk back?_

**Since always. I just wasn't sure of it until now. Don't worry about me, worry about keeping yourself safe. You and Dean are the important ones right now, not me. Kali can't unmake me. Only God and Gabriel can do that, and they've both proven that they won't. The only danger I'm in is Hell, and neither of them would do that to me intentionally. They're still my family, no matter how crazy they've become. **

_Alright. Just... promise you'll tell me if you're in danger? I can send Cas and he can help you. But only if I know, you know?_

**I promise, if you'll promise the same. I'd feel it anyways, but I'd like to hear it from you instead of feel the pull. **

_I promise. Stay safe, Frey. _

I opened my eyes, knowing my Grace was fully charged and ready to attack. Kali didn't seem to realize it; it was clear by her smug expression that she thought Sam was desperately calling me, trying to get me to help him. It was making her happier than it should have to know that she was causing my pain by "harming" a mortal. She wanted badly to break my bond. I wondered if she knew that as soon as Gabriel got what he wanted (which was me for a mate, even after all these years), he'd dispose of her.

"You know that Gabe is just using you to get to me?" I asked, smirking. She scowled.

"No. He wants you, sure. But he knows that he has me, and he's told me many times that I'm much better than you could ever be," she snapped, not meeting my eyes. It hadn't occurred to her. Pity.

"Honey, _sister_, you know that isn't true. I'm meant to be with him. He's using you to get me to agree to be his again. Like I was for the first decade of my existence. But God gave me a voice, and I sure as hell intend to use it. I'm not some submissive, unfortunately for him. Unlike you, apparently. But hey, there's nothing wrong with it! I guess I gave you the last of my submissive qualities. I just wanted a friend you know. Family that was like me. Someone Castiel couldn't be, even though he tried. And he was willing enough to help me make you. I think he thought you would be _his_ mate. And really, I never intended for you to go to Gabriel in my place, but that worked out in my favor for a few centuries. Then he went and ruined that, and you still stayed with him. I'll never understand you. You know he wants me, but you're still here. Do you love him that much?" I asked.

"I've always loved him! For me, it's only ever been him!" she shrieked, hurting my ears.

"And does he know that?" I asked quietly, knowing the answer.

"It would have scared him. Or annoyed him. You know how he is, he doesn't want to hear it," she said equally quietly.

"When he comes here today, after he finishes whatever he's doing with the Winchesters and Castiel, tell him. I'm here for you, Kali. I want nothing more than to support you. I'm ready to give up this fight with you and just be sisters again, but I don't want Gabriel interfering in my freedom. If you want him, he's yours!" I told her, speaking normally again.

"You don't get it! I've never _wanted_ to fight with you. You've given me no choice! When you made me, you told me to never let you become someone you are not meant to be. This is who you are not meant to be! Friend to mortals, mated to a mere human! That isn't you!" she exclaimed, stepping closer to the bars.

"Why do you have me here?" I asked. She rolled her eyes.

"Gabriel insisted on the bars, as if you'd hurt your sister. Whatever. We just wanted to hold you until he could take out the mortals and come back. Then you were free to go. His intention was to take the one you're mating with and hide him where you'd never find him. Then you could go again. He thinks that after a decade or so without him, you'll come crawling back to us. We want you with us, together. A triad, because neither of us want to live without you anymore. We're willing to share you; me as family and him as a lover. A second mate," she explained, sounding a bit bitter.

"He isn't going to kill Sam?" I asked, confused.

"He doesn't think God will like him very much if he kills one of the precious Winchesters. He got enough grief for killing Dean multiple times and bringing him back. Now he just wants to contain the youngest until it isn't necessary anymore," she told me. I nodded, understanding.

**Sam, he wants to take you somewhere. Trap you where I won't be able to find you. Don't let him touch you, okay?**

_Okay... I can try. It'd be easier if you were here. He keeps getting really close, but then Cas grabs my arm and he backs off._

**Thank God for Castiel. He's guessed what's going on. I'm so sorry, Sam. I should have known she was going to trick me. I just...**

_She's your sister. I get it. I'd do the same with Dean. Family always comes first._

**No, you don't understand! Xander is family. You are family. Kali is a responsibility. Someone I made and now have to care for.**

_I'm... family?_

**Of course you are!**

I didn't have time to say more before the cage was opening and Kali was pulling me out. She looked uncomfortable, like she wasn't sure what she was doing.

"I want to trust you. You're my sister, no matter what's happening. So I'm letting you out, but I want you to stay with me. Stay and talk, like we used to. I'm not going to make you... I realize that if you really wanted to leave you would have already. So please, give me a chance. I want to be your sister again, but I don't want to share my Gabriel," she told me.

"I don't want Gabriel at all. And I'd love nothing more than to be your sister again. But don't you think it's a bit late for that? After centuries of watching him hurt and annoy me, joining in... you think you deserve another chance? I think you're lucky that I let you live! You're right; I could have left. But I wanted to know what you were up to this time. Kali, I love you. I'll always care about you, and I'll never hurt you. But it's too late to be a family," I told her. And then I took that side step and appeared right in front of Gabriel.

He was too shocked to say anything for a moment, but then he glared at me.

"You ruin all my fun! Did you break Kali too?" he demanded. I smirked.

"Nope. She's not harmed at all. Well, maybe a bit depressed. She didn't get what she wanted, you know. And did you really manage to trick her with 'you'll share me'? I'm surprised she's so dense. Or maybe you're just a really good actor?" I asked, stepping forward and making him step back.

"I wasn't lying or tricking her. I meant it. Kali is very... attached to us both," he replied uneasily.

"You listen to me, and you listen good. You've stolen from me before and I let you get away with it. But from now on , YOU DON'T TOUCH WHAT'S MINE!" I shouted. With the last words, I flung out as much Grace as I could without hurting myself, hitting his hard and pushing him from the room. He'd find himself back with Kali, where they could just deal with each other for all I cared. I collected the Grace floating around the room and drew it back into myself carefully, keeping my balance and consciousness this time.

"Are you okay?" Dean asked me. He was the first to step over to me and grab my arm in support, even though I didn't need it. I nodded, unable to speak still.

"What you did was reckless! You could have killed us all," Castiel reprimanded. He opened his mouth to continue, but stopped when he saw both Winchesters glaring at him. He sighed and looked like he wanted to roll his eyes again. I wanted to laugh, but it would be inappropriate.

"Did he do anything but talk?" I asked, concerned. "Because Kali really made it sound like he was going to lock Sam up somewhere for a few decades."

"He approached many times, but I stopped him from acting," Cas snapped, still annoyed with me. I _did_ roll my eyes.

"Listen Castiel, what I did was safe for everyone but myself and Gabriel. I'm more concerned with Sam and Dean's safety than my own, so I acted accordingly. I would have been fine; it just would have taken an insane amount of time to heal this time. And if you're talking about leaving with Kali, I underestimated her. I didn't think she was going to force me that far away. I thought she wanted to leave the room to talk in private, not trap me in iron!" I snapped, getting louder as I went on. "So you can keep your comments to yourself and control your own actions, because what I did today was for the greater good! Not a single bit of it was selfish, and I don't regret ANY of it! Am I clear?"

He didn't seem to know what to say to that, so he just nodded, his eyes wide and alarmed. That's when I realized my Grace was in an unpredictable stage and I was about to show my true form unintentionally, out of anger. I took a deep breath and drew it back in, making the faint glow disappear.

"Are you okay, Rose?" Sam asked, stepping closer to me. I nodded, still trying to calm down and not accidentally kill them all. This was an unfortunate part of being tied to Gabriel; I had no control over my anger, and I often acted without thinking. Castiel was right to say that what I'd done was dangerous. If I'd touched the wrong part of his Grace with what I had, it could have reacted badly and broken both of our human forms. But they didn't need to know that.

"I'm fine. It's just been a long day, and it's barely even started. I'll tell you this though: he can't come back today. And Kali won't, not after our little talk. Not if she meant what she said," I replied.

"Then it's time you got some sleep. Maybe it will help you settle down, and keep your power under control. We were lucky last time you recharged, but I can already tell you don't have that control this time. So you can take my bed, and you just sleep. We'll wake you up if we really need you," Sam told me. He pushed me gently toward his bed and nodded to the other one for Dean.

"It will be okay, Dean. I'll stay up with Sam, and we will keep watch until you awake," Cas assured him, smiling.

"If you're sure... I could use the sleep. Cas, will you check on Xander before I lay down? Bring him here maybe? I mean... only if you guys don't mind," I requested. They all nodded and Cas was gone in a rush of wings. I could see them, but I knew the brothers couldn't. I wondered if they ever would.

"Thank you for saving us. Again," Dean said, breaking the silence. Sam shot him a weird look, and he just ignored it. "I don't usually say it, but I feel like it needs to be said this time. You didn't have to come back, and you did. So thank you."

"I'd do it all over again if it saved your lives," I said quietly, meaning it.


	9. You've Been Warned

When I woke up, I was alone. At least I thought I was. I looked around the room and found I was right back in that iron cage, as if it could hold me. But when I threw my Grace at it, it didn't budge. But that made no sense, because iron shouldn't hold me like that, unless somehow they'd managed to put a curse on it. And how had they gotten me anyways? Oh God, where was Xander?!

My attempts at praying to Castiel seemed to fail too. He didn't respond and he didn't appear. Sam and Dean didn't respond either. I prayed to whoever would listen that they were okay and not ignoring me; that they just couldn't hear me. I don't know if anyone heard me or not.

"My dear, it seems you're in a bit of a bind," Gabriel said, stepping into the light. "I need that bind gone." He gave me a sadistic smirk and I bit back my retort.

"Gabe, don't tease her. Tell her what you want and let her go. Do what we discussed, not whatever you feel like at the moment," Kali snapped, stepping up next to him. She shot me a weak smile.

"You're holding me here just to tell me something? _Again?!_" I asked incredulously. Kali, at least, looked a bit embarrassed about it.

"I'm holding you here to tell you that you have one week to break the bond with Sammy, or I'm breaking it for you. You will be with us, whether you like it or not. This is your place! And if you dare mate with him, he'll die a slow, painful death. And remember this: I died _for_ him once. I don't want to kill him, kiddo. Far from it. But if that's what it takes to get you here, then that's what will happen," he replied calmly.

"You're telling me that you, self-centered Gabriel, archangel of the Lord, sacrificed yourself for the mortals? I don't buy it," I snapped, losing my patience.

"It's true, Frey. It took nearly everything I had to bring him back, and he had to fix me when it was done. I don't have his Grace anymore. He found me someone else's," Kali confirmed. I gaped at them.

"So technically you're meant for someone else now?" I asked. She looked hurt for a moment before adopting a blank mask.

"No. I love Gabriel, and I always will. This angel gave it willingly to repay a debt, and he is no longer with us," she said quietly, clearly not comfortable with it.

"And who was this angel, Gabriel?" I asked, getting angry.

"Good old Balthazar, owed me a debt you know. He was only too willing to give his Grace in exchange for a human life and forgiveness. But I think I forgot to mention that it was my forgiveness and not our Father's," he informed me. Kali looked close to tears.

"Right. And you're perfectly fine with this, Kali?" I asked her, knowing she wasn't. This was her chance to show me what he was doing to her. I was nearly certain he was controlling her and keeping her here against her will, but I couldn't prove it.

"I... n-yes, of course I am," she stuttered. I could see in her eyes that she hated herself for having to say it, and that's all I needed to see.

"So, Gabe, what are you doing to keep my sister here then? And was the Grace change an attempt to make her not my sister anymore? Because her blood is mine too. And even if it wasn't, she would _always_ be my sister, my family. The way I originally told you that you were. Well guess what, Mr. Supreme Archangel, you're not a part of my family anymore, but she still is. And when I figure out what it is you're doing to her, she'll actually think she is too. Make no mistake, I hate you for what you've done. I will _never_ be with you. And I know you won't kill Sammy, because I will kill myself the second you do. Don't think I don't know how. And I may just take you down with me," I threatened. He was much paler than he'd been in the beginning.

"You're bluffing. Why would I do something to Kali's head to keep her here? I'm awesome! She's here of her own free will," he started. But I raised my hand to stop him as I watched Kali struggle to say something.

She managed a small "help" before collapsing to the floor.

"That... doesn't prove anything!" Gabe tried. "And you can't just decide one day that I'm not family anymore. You're meant for me!"

"Do you remember that I have a son now? I know you do, because you took great pains to kill the father. But he knew you were coming for him, so he left me a gift. A beautiful locket, one that I couldn't open. And then the day he died, I found that I could suddenly. But before I opened it, I received a note from heaven. It was his final gift, the gift of his Grace. Rather than have your Father bring him back, he gave me a way to escape you. He gave me his Grace. When I choose, I will replace yours with his. And you know what that will mean for you? I'll have manifested Grace to do with whatever I please. And I think I'll be making it into the perfect little blade. The only blade that can kill you once and for all. So are you sure you want to be doing this? Messing with me like this?" I asked, smirking.

"Y-you're lying!" he gasped, clearly more afraid. "You don't have any of that. You can't do that!"

"I know you want to believe that. But it is true, and I do have that. I can, and I will do that if you keep threatening the ones I love!" I snapped, losing the last of my patience.

And then I was waking up again, and I realized I'd never been trapped to begin with. They'd just hijacked my dreams. I sighed in relief and sat up, before I realized that I'd woken up because Gabriel had forced me back. But he'd done something else, too.

Kali lay in the middle of the floor, still unconscious, and clearly not under whatever Gabe had done to her. She was twitching, and I hoped it was just an effect of the curse.

"Rose, what do we do?" Sam called, freaking out. I jumped out of the bed and hurried over to her, reaching deep inside myself for my reserve Grace.

"Stand back and stay silent, no matter what you see or hear," I instructed, crouching beside my sister. I held her arms down and let the Grace go, flowing into her to calm her dreams. I knew that to the Winchesters watching, it would look like a golden rope connecting my heart to hers. To Castiel, he'd see exactly what I was doing. Her whole body was lit up for me, and I could see the black spots that meant dead or evil Grace, which I was slowly cleaning out.

It took me two hours to cleanse her entire being, and by that time, I'd run out of reserve Grace and was using what little I'd managed to regenerate. I slumped backwards, already losing consciousness when Kali jerked awake. She immediately wrapped her arms around me in support, and even though she was crying, she put our foreheads together and started muttering in Enochian. She was regenerating my grace for me, as quickly as was possible. It must have been something Gabe taught her years ago.

I felt more than heard or saw Sam try to step forward to stop her, but Castiel stopped him, pulling him and Dean back out of the room. It occurred to me to check on Xander, but I couldn't move. I couldn't do anything as I felt my Grace coming back at full force.

I'd forgotten what it was like to have a sister to take care of you when you needed it. I'd had Xander to look out for, at least for a few years now. He filled the ache my sister had left. But I hadn't realized how big the ache was until I had my sister back. She was still whispering, but it wasn't the Enochian chant anymore. She was whispering about what Gabe had done to her, but she kept changing languages. Luckily, I knew them all.

"_I didn't want any of it, Frey! He tricked me. I was starving, because I'd used my Grace so much trying to escape. So he fed me when he came back. I should have known. The food tasted off, but I was too hungry to care. And then I found I didn't want to care, just like I didn't want to leave him. But he was awful!"_

"_He kept telling me that I needed to use our bond to find you, because you'd disappeared and he was worried. He told me all about how you'd just left, left me all alone. And whatever he'd put in that food made me believe him. He manipulated my emotions and made me hate you. I had no say, no control over what I did or said. If he asked something of me, I had to do it. If he told me something, I had to believe it. If he felt something, I had to feel it too."_

"_And it didn't stop there. When he admitted to the rest that he was Gabriel and not Loki, he told me I had to pretend to hate him for it. I was to go back to you and stay. Gather information, no matter how badly I hated you. And then, when the time was right, I was to break the bond we shared and go back to him for good. Become his mate."_

"_And the whole time, he was feeding me these things, these little fruits. Once he told me Lucifer had given it to him, and it reminded me of the legend of Persephone. How Hades had tricked her into eating the food of the underworld and forced her to stay. Well, Lucifer kind of is Hades, so I wondered... was this the same fruit that Persephone had fallen for? But I had to eat it when he told me to, so I couldn't find out if that's what was controlling me."_

"_I was there for it all. Thinking to myself how wrong it was. Suspecting what he was doing. But I had no voice, I had no way to say anything besides exactly what he wanted to hear. I was trapped and praying every day. Someone finally answered me."_

"_When you were in that cage, he hadn't given me things to say. So I tried my hardest to get you to stay, to realize what he was doing to me and put an end to it. I thought if you stopped it, we could escape together. But you just left me again! I thought it was a lost cause. So I fought it. I fought it as hard as I could. And I almost won. You finally saw what he was doing. You saved me!"_

When the whispering stopped, we were both crying. She was still holding me up, but my Grace was fully restored. I could have moved now, could have spoken. I just hugged her, letting her feel through our renewed bond how much I loved her and didn't blame her. I wondered briefly what this would mean for my bond with Sam, but then I waved that thought away. This was a family bond, and the bond I had with him was different.

After a bit, I pulled away and glanced around the room. It was the same room; nothing had changed. But this room now meant something to me, and I was going to keep it. I waved my hand and the room vanished, replaced by a different standard room. The original now resided at my home; a new room for Kali if she chose to stay with me again.

"I missed you, sister. If you want it, my home is open to be yours again," I offered, smiling. She hugged me again, sobbing.

"I-I'd like that a l-lot!" she gasped, trying to stop her tears.

"You calm yourself down while I go talk to the Winchesters, okay?" I asked. She nodded and wrapped her arms around herself, curling up in one of the beds. I went to the door and pulled it open, finding three very worried men leaning against the wall outside. I turned to Castiel first.

"Did you hear what she was saying in there?" I asked him. He nodded.

"I did. I knew that Gabriel had been down in the cage with Lucifer for a day of his death, but I did not know that he'd stolen some of the fruit. It would explain quite a bit of what is going on in Heaven," he replied.

"Well, you'll want to know what exactly is going on, right?" I asked them all. They nodded. Before I could talk, Sam walked straight up to me and just hugged me. I hugged back, confused but happy. Then I explained what had happened, not pausing for breath or to let them talk. When I finished, I was met by stunned silence.

"But who is this angel?" Sam asked. I sighed and debated with myself. There was no reason for them to ever know.

"It no longer matters. What matters is that if Gabriel gives us any more trouble, I _will_ kill him," I replied. Then I turned and pulled the door open again. Kali was in the same position as before, but she was sleeping now. I smiled at her, happy to finally have my sister back. I finally had a shot at a family, a real one.

I wasn't going to let it pass me by.


	10. I'm Not Telling

It took a few days to get Kali moved in, but when she was comfortable, I went back to Sam and  
Dean. They'd moved to a different town, and a different motel. I could see Sam researching for some case, and Dean was with Cas. I'd spoken to Cas briefly to alert him that I was coming, but he'd told me that I'd only find Sam. He and Dean had gone to get food and wouldn't be back for an hour at least. I didn't want to ask why it took an hour to get fast food. I just didn't want to know.

I appeared lounging on one of the beds, just watching Sam sit at the table and search on his laptop. He didn't notice me for about ten minutes, but I didn't mind. I could have watched him all day.

"Rose! When did you get here? Why didn't you say something?" he asked, jumping up and blushing. Odd reaction...

"I've been watching you. You're more interesting than the television, that's for sure. What are you researching? Maybe I can help," I offered, smiling and staying where I was.

"Nah, I'm finished. Dean and Cas are going to kill the demon, and then we were going to move on tonight. Well, we _were_ going to, but that was before you showed up. How's Kali adjusting?" he replied.

"As well as can be expected. She's taking care of Xander. He seems to help her feel better. I think it's to do with his father; a gift of his," I replied. "She's happy when she's with him... I'm thinking about having her adopt him. As much as I love Xander, he isn't truly mine anymore."

"What do you mean? Of course he is!" Sam protested.

"No, he isn't. When... someone like me... finds our true mates, any children or love that they felt for others just kind of... dims in comparison. Any children the mate gives you feel like yours, but any you have before or with another do not. It starts when you find a potential... and it just gets worse as the relationship progresses, until the mating is complete and you abandon the child. So it'll be better for everyone if Kali adopted him and took care of him. She's already mated with Gabriel; she'll never mate again," I explained.

"So wait... you've found your mate?" he asked, looking... well actually, I couldn't tell what he was feeling.

"Well... yes. It's not like I've mated or anything, but I found him a while ago. I'm kind of waiting for the right time," I replied cautiously. I still couldn't read his expression, which concerned me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm... fine. Yeah, fine. Why didn't you tell me you'd found him?" he asked, sitting down beside me. Oh, he was _jealous_. This was too good.

"Well, because you know him. It would have made everything more complicated," I told him, trying not to give any expression.

"I know him?" he asked. I could see him mentally running through the short list of men he'd seen me with, which was only him, his brother, Cas, and Gabriel. Of course he didn't choose himself, he knew I hated Gabe, and I'd called Castiel family more than once. He settled on Dean, and his face closed off.

"Yeah, you do. Now you understand why I didn't say anything," I agreed, just going along with it for now. He'd get it later.

"Cas is going to kill you, you know," he told me, his voice low. I knew he was trying to keep all emotion out of it, but he was failing. I sighed.

"And why would he do that?" I asked.

"Because he won't like that you didn't tell him. And didn't you say that he killed the last guy you tried to mate with?" he tried. I think he was trying to convince me to change my mind, which was comical.

"Sam, I can more than take care of myself. And when we mate, I'll be taking care of said mate, too. Castiel won't kill me, nor will he touch my mate. And besides, Cas found his before I found mine. They're pretty... close," I informed him gently. That had him thinking again.

I could almost see him rethinking his entire theory. Then he came to the obvious conclusion (obvious in his mind only) that if Dean was my mate, and was really close to Cas's mate, Sam himself must be Cas's mate. The look on his face was too priceless, and I made a camera and snapped a picture. That one would hang on my wall forever and a day.

"What... what did you just do?" he asked, blinking at the sudden light of the flash. I laughed then, really laughed.

"Tell me what thoughts were going through your brain there, Sammy. Enlighten me. Just who is my mate, and who must that make Cas's?" I asked when I could speak again.

"You... it's pretty clear that your mate is Dean. Which would make... me..." he trailed off, his face paling. I shook my head.

"Wrong on both counts," I informed him. His head whipped back to stare at me, hope shining in his eyes.

"If I'm wrong, then who is your mate?" he asked softly, almost whispering. He'd moved closer, and I wondered briefly when that had happened. I was just about to answer when the door swung open and Dean walked in pulling Cas behind him, oblivious to the moment they'd just disrupted. I sighed and scooted back, then stood to help them carry the food in.

Dean looked surprised to see me, but I just figured Cas had been too busy being mysterious to let him know I was going to visit. I stole one of the bags from Dean and carried it over to the table, careful not to mess with Sam's research.

"Did you boys buy out a store or something?" I asked, looking amused. Dean just rolled his eyes and went back out to the impala. But he didn't come in with more bags; he came in with a teenager that I recognized.

"Kevin?" I gasped, dropping the jar I had in my hands.

"Hey Frey, how are you?" the prophet smirked, looking amused.

**Timeskip**

They'd filled me in on Kevin while we ate. I'd made the meal, because nobody else had felt like cooking and I needed to clear my mind. It was just a simple pasta dish, but they were all treating it like the first meal they'd eaten in years. And I guess it might have been the first home-cooked one...

Castiel had noticed right away that they'd interrupted an important moment, and he'd apologized to me twice already, and was about to apologize to Sam when I stopped him and told him it was fine. It wasn't time yet anyways.

"I'm just on my way to Bobby's. He called me and asked if I'd head over there and help him translate some old books. I think he just wants the company and won't admit it," Kevin was explaining.

"Sounds good to me. We can give you a lift if you want. We haven't been to see Bobby in too long. He's probably worried," Sam offered. It was time for me to leave.

"I've got to get back to Kali," I stated, standing. Sam shot me a look, letting me know he'd been planning on ambushing me as soon as we were alone and I was ruining that plan. I smiled slightly; I wasn't going to make it easy for him. He'd wait if he wanted to know.

"Are you sure? You could stay the night, be here tomorrow and see Bobby with us. He'd probably love to meet you," Dean protested.

"I'm sure. Kali needs me, even if she doesn't want to say so. She's still really weak from everything Gabe did to her. Besides, I've got to talk to her about Xander. I'm going to see if she wants to adopt him," I replied.

"Adopt him? You have found your mate," Cas commented, looking pleased. As if he hadn't guessed that ages ago. I wasn't stupid.

"Yeah, I did. But said mate doesn't know, so we're going to keep our mouths shut. Right, Cas?" I asked, wording it carefully. He nodded, dangerously close to smirking.

"Why can't you just tell us who it is?" Sam asked, sounding frustrated. I almost laughed at the jealousy I could clearly feel.

"Why? Jealous?" I teased. But I was gone before he could answer.


	11. You Learn From Your Mistakes

I very much on purpose stayed away for about a week after that. I talked to Kali about the adoption and got it all straightened out. I redecorated my entire house and changed the scenery seven times. The last one was my clue to go visit the Winchesters. It was an exact replica of Bobby Singer's back yard. Kali is the one that pointed it out to me.

"Isn't that... you miss him. You're always thinking about him, and it's hurting you to stay away," she deduced, sitting down beside me as I admired my handy work. I sighed.

"Of course I miss him. How could you tell?" I asked. She giggled.

"That's the salvage yard. Bobby's backyard? The same Bobby who's house they're staying at right now. You want to be there with them, but you're too stubborn. You've seen yourself that he isn't going to say no to you. He was hurt when he thought it was Sam. That means he likes you, sister. Go to him. Go see him and tell him what he means to you," she told me.

"It's not that I think he'll reject me. It's that I don't want to tell him until I'm ready. Right now, with everything that's just happened, I'm a danger to him and everyone he loves," I grumbled, sinking back into the couch cushions, depressed.

"No you aren't. You're his safety. You're the one he can trust above all others, who will do anything he asks of you, who would die to keep him safe and alive. You'd give everything for him to be okay. That's how being a mate works, when it's done properly," she countered, telling me things I already knew. I sighed.

"If I go now, what do I say? 'I avoided you because I couldn't stand to see you without telling you that you're my mate and I love you, even though we barely know each other'?" I demanded.

"You're just trying to talk yourself out of it now," Kali stated, smirking. "What exactly do you think will go wrong?"

"I'm... mostly concerned with what Dean will say. Cas knows, and he clearly doesn't care. But Dean... and what if I hurt Sam accidentally, without meaning to? What happens then?!" I answered, getting more depressed.

"Firstly, Dean isn't going to hate you. Secondly, you're not going to hurt Sam. You love him, even if you haven't told him so yet. Now go, before I make you!" she laughed, forcing me up off the couch. "You've helped me so much, and now it's my turn to help you. Go get your mate!"

I took a deep breath and stepped to the side, appearing on Bobby Singer's porch. I didn't just appear inside, because I didn't know what room Sam was in and it wasn't good manners to just appear inside of someone's home. I closed my eyes, grounding myself, then knocked on the door.

It was opened almost immediately by a man who looked like he'd seen more than he could ever want to. The haunted look was set in his very skin, and yet he was still moving, still breathing. And still holding a gun, aimed directly at my heart. While it wouldn't kill me, it would hurt quite a bit. I winced and took a step back.

"Hi. You must be Bobby? I'm Rose," I started. I would have offered my hand, but I could see he wasn't going to shake it. "You'll probably want to test me, I guess?"

"You know about that?" he asked, looking suspicious. I nodded.

"Sam and Dean tested me the first time we met. I don't know if they've told you about me or not. I'm bonded to Sam, and I've been half-living with them for the past couple of months. I just... came to talk to them, if that's okay?" I replied. His eyes narrowed.

"How'd you know they're here?" he asked, steadying the gun. I sighed.

"They told me they were giving Kevin a ride, and they would have contacted me if they were leaving. I know you're their family, and I know they don't really want to leave you here alone, so I knew they'd still be here. Besides, if I really wanted to, I could have found Sam literally anywhere. We're bonded," I informed him. I offered my arm. "If it makes you feel better, test me."

He didn't bother testing me. He just slammed the door in my face. I could hear him inside, shouting for Sam and Dean. I couldn't hear what was said, but I caught that they'd both come running. Then I could hear Sam's raised voice, probably defending me. And then there was what sounded like someone hitting the wall. And then the door opened again and Sam was pulling me inside.

"Why didn't you just appear inside? It would have saved you a lot of trouble and a gun being aimed at you," he grumbled, glaring at Bobby.

"Yeah, but that's not really polite. Besides, I didn't know what room you were in, and I didn't want to wander through an unfamiliar house," I replied, returning the hug he gave me.

"Want to tell us why you were gone so long?" Dean demanded, frowning at me. I rolled my eyes.

"A week isn't a long time. I was helping Kali with the adoption process and rearranging my house. Actually, I only came here now because Kali made me. She thinks I'm going crazy from staying... in one house," I replied, catching myself before giving away my mate.

"You expect us to just welcome you back after you've been avoiding us?" he snapped, glaring at me just as intensely as Sam had been glaring at Bobby. I flinched.

"It's not like I didn't have a reason, Dean. It's necessary, you'll see," I replied, stepping closer to Sam without thinking about it. He didn't look convinced.

"Dean, lay off. There must have been a good reason. And she's here now, so it's okay," Sam said quietly, taking my hand and pulling me further into the house. He smiled down at me and led me up to the room they'd been in, where Castiel was waiting patiently, talking with Kevin.

"Hey guys!" I said with false cheer, waving with my free hand. If they thought it was weird that I was here or that Sam was holding my hand, they didn't comment.

"Hello, Freyja," Cas replied, turning to smile at me. "It is nice to see you. How is your sister?" I smiled back with real happiness this time.

"She's doing good! The adoption is complete, and I'm finally... ready," I replied.

"Ready for what?" Sam asked, pulling me down beside him on the couch. Well, it was time to say it. Now or never.

"To claim my mate, if he'll have me," I stated, meeting his eyes. The reaction wasn't what I hoped for. He flinched and pulled his hand away from mine. He wasn't looking at me anymore, and he wasn't smiling. That hurt.

"You going to finally tell us who the lucky guy is?" he snapped, staring at the floor. Kevin smirked at me, already knowing. And without thinking, I reprimanded him.

"Kevin!" I snapped, glaring at him. His eyes opened wide in shock and it was then that I realized Sam would think I was saying Kevin was my mate. "Oh god, no! It's not Kevin! I was yelling at him for the look he was giving me!"

But it was too late; Sam was gone. He'd ran from the room, carefully not looking at anyone. I cursed in Enochian under my breath and turned to stare at Cas, unsure of what to do.

"You have to go talk to him," he told me, clearly guessing what I'd been thinking. I nodded and stepped to the side, appearing beside him. We were out in the salvage yard, and he didn't realize I was there.

"Sam, that came out wrong. Kevin isn't my mate," I told him, stepping in front of him before he could run again.

"Oh really? Then who is?!" he demanded angrily. I flinched at the anger in his voice, wishing it wasn't directed at me.

"You are!" I exclaimed, again without thinking. Time seemed to stop as his eyes finally met mine. But the look in them wasn't what I'd expected or hoped for. He was angry, and he wasn't going to accept me. That was clear by the scowl on his face. I didn't know what to do, so I took a step, and went home.


	12. Save Me From Me

I didn't let anyone in to see me for four days. And when I did, it was just Xander, who wanted to hug me and make me feel better. It didn't work. Then I isolated myself again. I was trying to work out a way to take my own life. After the first day of Dean, Cas, and Kevin trying to call me, I'd switched the "calling" off. I didn't want to hear what they had to say. Sam had made it clear that he didn't want me. He didn't have to say anything. The fact that he had not once tried to call, had not immediately cheered up when he found out it was him, spoke more than his words ever would, or could.

I finally left my room (in the middle of the night when I was sure Kali and Xander would be sleeping) to go to the library. But Cas was waiting for me there. How he'd gotten in without me knowing, I wasn't sure. But he wasn't going anywhere, that much was clear. He looked relieved to see me out of my room, but the relief faded to concern when he took in my appearance. I probably looked dead.

"Freyja, what are you doing to yourself?" he gasped, grabbing my arm and making me sit beside him. I really wasn't in the mood for the lecture I knew was coming, but he wasn't letting me get up, so I had no choice.

"I'm fine. I came here for a reason, you know," I snapped, trying to pull my arm away. He didn't let me.

"You stopped listening to our calls. Why?" he asked, trying to look into my eyes. I flinched and managed to free my arm.

"Because I didn't need to hear them to know that you were all just repeating yourselves. And _he_ didn't try even once. That says enough, don't you think?" I snapped, not meeting his eyes.

"He has not left his room since you disappeared. Dean says that he does not look like himself. I did not know what he meant until I saw you. You are both suffering by being away from each other. He was angry, but he is not now. I would imagine he's been calling you every day since you stopped listening," Cas informed me. I frowned.

"He could have contacted me anyways. Our bond would have allowed only his calls to get through. He didn't want to, which is fine. I'm working on... something. Please leave," I snapped. He didn't leave, but I just ignored him and found the book I'd been looking for. Then I went back to my room and locked myself inside.

The next person to see me was Dean. Cas had brought him to the house (at least I think it was Cas... it may have been Kali interfering with my life again), and he pounded on my door for hours until I finally just let him in.

"What do you want?" I demanded, angry. He looked nervous.

"I want you to come back with me. Well, I need you to. Cas told me he wasn't going to take me back there, and that I'd have to convince you to. But also, I wanted to talk to you about Sammy. I've never seen him so upset. I wasn't in the room when whatever happened... but I've been with him since, and I think he's dying. He hasn't eaten in days, and he won't leave his bed. He's too weak to do much of anything, and I haven't heard his voice in three days," he informed me.

"Wh-what? Why would he do that?" I gasped, shocked.

"Cas and I think he's trying to get your attention the only way he knows how. If he's in danger, he thinks you'll come to save him. Since none of us have been able to get you back, we think he's trying to himself," he replied. I shook my head.

"No... he's not stupid. He wouldn't do that to himself. Besides... I would have felt it if he was in danger!" I snapped. Dean looked unsure of whether he wanted to finish this conversation.

"He's my brother so I shouldn't say this. But he's stupid when it comes to the people he loves. He's stupid about me all the time, and he's been stupid about Cas, and now he's being stupid about you. Do you know how many times I've thought I've lost him? More than I've ever wanted to. And now I'm losing him again, and this time there's nothing I can do but sit back and watch. I've been trying to call you back for over a week, and you haven't been listening. You look a lot like he does right now: pretty much dead. And I'm not going to let either of you die for real," he told me, sitting down on my bed.

"Why is everyone suddenly concerned with how I look?!" I snapped. "I don't care, so neither should you! Just... trust me. It's better if I stay away from now on. I'll take you back, but then I'm staying here. And so help me, I will put up wards if I have to! No more intrusions, no more contact. I'm done with the mortal world. It's too painful."

The look Dean gave me was of utter despair. He was watching both my life and the life of his brother drift to a close. I knew he could tell what I was trying to do, mostly because I'd left the angel blade sitting out on my desk when I'd let him in. He wouldn't cry; Dean Winchester was too manly for that. But he would stare at me with those eyes, that expression, until I either gave him what he wanted or took him home. I couldn't give him what I wanted, because it wasn't my choice that had put us here, but I could take him home to be with his brother.

"We're concerned because we are your family. We care about you, whether you care about us or not. Kevin has been looking for a way to summon you, you know. We were going to make you come to us, but I convinced Cas to give me a chance to talk to you. If you've really decided to ignore him and suffer in silence, to _die, _then there's nothing I can do. But I want to help you and I want to help my brother. So please, at least think about talking to him. Just one more time, and if it doesn't go how you want, we'll all give up. You can be on your own. I'll even personally help you die, if that's what you really want. You can be done with us all. Just give it one last chance. Five minutes. That's all I'm asking for, five minutes," Dean begged.

"You must really care about him, to beg like that. I never thought I'd see the day Dean Winchester begged anyone to do anything," I said quietly.

"Cas told me what happens when an angel doesn't finish the mating process. You're no angel, but it's the same for you. I can't let that happen to either of you. I feel responsible. I swore I'd protect him, and I'm failing," he replied.

"Five minutes. I'll give it five minutes from the very moment I set foot in that house. And then I'm gone, and I'm not coming back," I compromised. The look of pure joy on Dean's face made me feel bad for ever even thinking about saying no to him. "But I don't know what you're expecting. He's answered me. He turned me down, denied the bond. That's what's happening. The bond is breaking. It's a constant pain, in my head, my heart. I can't make it go away, even after the bond goes."

"I don't know anything about that, but it's hurting Sammy too," Dean informed me.

"It would. The bond is between both of us," I snapped. "I don't feel bad for it hurting him. He's the one that caused the pain in the first place."

"Can we go now? I don't want to wait any longer than necessary to save my brother's life if you don't mind," he said impatiently. But I could tell he was mostly teasing. He was so convinced that five minutes would fix everything, but I just couldn't see it working out.

"Yes, we can go. Five minutes, Dean. No more, no less. Five minutes," I reminded him. I didn't bother making myself look any different. I was just going to come back here to die. I took his hand and stepped to the side.

_**The end! No, not really. Can you imagine it ending there? That would be cruel. There's so much more of the story to tell! This is only just the beginning. I'm no Moffat. So let's continue, shall we? **_

The house looked much the same from the outside. I didn't start counting the five minutes until we walked through the door, and I told him as much when I sat on the top step. He sat beside me silently, waiting for me to talk.

"I just don't want to be hurt again. When Gabriel killed my first potential mate, I thought that was it for me. I had Xander, and that's all I'd need. Then I met Sam, and my whole perspective changed. My heart itself changed. It made room for him. And I spent so much time with him, getting to know him. Dean, I spent time around both of you because he makes me feel alive, happy. He slammed that door in my face last time I was here. Memories are all I have, and they're about to be ruined again. I don't know that I can go in there," I said quietly.

"I don't know what it feels like to lose your mate like you have. Twice, apparently. But I know what Sam is feeling, and it isn't happiness. It's the opposite. I'm scared for him, and I'm scared for you. I mated with Castiel, did he tell you? Right before he went to try to bring you back, he told me all about it. That's when he explained what you'd be going through and what Sam had caused. He explained it to both of us. Sam hasn't spoken since he heard that explanation. We all kind of thought he was praying to you. Clearly he wasn't," Dean told me.

"He... may have been. Our bond has been breaking, and I shut off the connection between my mind and this world. I didn't want to hear anymore. If he's been calling, I haven't been hearing. I'm so sorry, I didn't think he ever wanted to see me again. I'm still not convinced," I replied honestly.

"Why'd you stop listening? What if we'd really needed you?" Dean demanded, slightly angry.

"In the state I was in, it wouldn't have been helping you for me to show up. I could have hurt you just as badly as whatever it is I would have been protecting you from. I almost hurt you when I yelled at Castiel last time, by showing my true form. I don't have much control, but I have centuries of working on what little I have," I sighed.

"So you just cut off all connections and locked yourself in your room to research a way to commit suicide? We could have helped you. Or Cas could have!" he said loudly.

"I would have gladly helped you, Freyja. Dean, we can hear you from inside. Why did you not bring her in?" Cas asked from the door way.

"Because I promised him five minutes from the second I step through the door, and I figured he would want me to spend that five minutes talking to Sam and getting rejected for a second time," I sighed, standing. "But it's probably time to get this over with, isn't it?"

I didn't wait for a reply before stepping in the house and walking up to where I knew Sam was. His door was closed, but I could feel the change in the air. I hesitated for only a second before just walking in. Knocking would do no good; I knew it because it was the same for me. His room was probably the dirtiest in the house. He wasn't sleeping, but he wasn't focused on anything either. His eyes were slits, and he was holding a notebook of some kind. I recognized it: his father's journal.

"Dean, I don't want anything. Just leave me alone," he rasped, not bothering to look up. I sighed and sat at the foot of the bed.

"Thankfully, I'm not Dean. I would hate to have his looks; that's not me," I replied quietly, making my first joke since the last time I'd seen him. His eyes shot open and he just stared at me. "Hi Sammy."

"Freyja... what are you doing here? I thought you were gone for good!" he gasped, moving as quickly as he could to get to me. I was expecting to be slapped, but got hugged instead.

"I... wasn't going to come back. But your family- our family- is persistent. They all seemed to think you were dying. Gotta say, it looks like they may have been right," I told him, hugging back gently. "What did you do to yourself?"

"You can't really talk. Have you looked in a mirror? You look your age," he said quietly. I gave a small smile.

"No, I'd be a bag of bones if I looked my age. Trust me. But I have about three minutes left here, and then I'm going home. For good," I replied.

"Going for good? _NO!_" he exclaimed, holding me tighter. It surprised me, not only because I thought he was too frail to have any strength, but also because I didn't think he'd care.

"What? Why not?" I asked, confused. I pulled away to meet his eyes, because I was so confused.

"You can't leave me! Not again!" he cried. He looked so frantic and depressed. What? But... what? He shouldn't care. He'd turned me down!

"I don't understand. You didn't want me. That's why I've been staying away. I don't want to bother you, and I don't want to see you if you don't want to see me. So I was going to just stay in the home I made for myself. Is that the wrong thing to do?" I asked.

"You can't leave me! I want you, more than I want anything else! I was angry, because you hadn't told me sooner. Never once did I say I didn't want you. As soon as I realized you were really gone, I started calling for you. But I could feel you pulling further and further away, and I knew you couldn't hear me anymore," he told me quickly. Seems like he intended to use all five minutes to their fullness.

"You didn't have to say it. I could just tell. You pulled yourself away from me first, the second I accidentally said Kevin, and nothing I did could fix it. I tried," I replied.

"You didn't try. You ran," he accused. "I couldn't find you anywhere, and I didn't realize you were at your house until I asked everybody else where you were and _nobody knew._ What was I supposed to do then? I thought I'd give you time to cool off. But you never came back, and you didn't answer any of the guys. So I tried calling myself, but I could tell you couldn't hear me. There was nothing I could do," he informed me.

"I... couldn't stay and see you every day when I knew you didn't want me. It would have killed me. It _was_ killing me, knowing that you were here and I couldn't just come see you," I stated. My time was up, but I wasn't leaving yet. I think Dean had known I wouldn't. Sam would get all the time he wanted. I hated Winchesters.

"I will never not want you," he told me. Then he did something I had not expected, not in a million years. He leaned forward and kissed me.


	13. The Destiel Chapter!

_**The Destiel Chapter! **__This chapter is in the point of view of both Cas and Dean (alternating), and will be the only one of it's kind. It is important to the story, so don't just skip it please! Sam and Rose(Freyja) will not be in this chapter. They may be mentioned, but they will not appear. So, without further delay, here's the Destiel chapter!_

Dean was sitting by himself when I flew in. I didn't know where Sam and Freyja were, and I didn't really care. This was the perfect time to tell my Dean what was going on. I'd avoided this conversation for far too long, and Freyja had been giving me pointed looks for weeks. Even Sam had caught on and was making it hard for me to avoid the subject. But one or both of them were always around now that they were together.

"Hey Cas," Dean greeted, not bothering to look up at me. I felt the urge to roll my eyes and dismissed it; that wouldn't help me with what I had to say.

"Dean. There is something I wish to tell you," I told him, sitting in the chair opposite him. My mind was running through the different ways I knew he could react.

"Sure, what's on your mind?" Dean asked, finally looking up at me to grin. I took a deep breath. Time to tell him how much he meant to me.

_Dean_

Rose had told me a long time ago about the mating ritual of angels. When she went through how she knew that Sammy was her mate, she explained how angels chose (or found, depending on the angel/being) their mates.

"_When an angel, or someone like me, finds the person they are meant to be with for all of eternity, their Grace sings. It's not something mortals can hear, but if you're a fellow angel or immortal, it's one of the most beautiful sounds in the universe. And all beings that have the right kind of hearing- which means Grace- can hear it, no matter where they are. Mine went off shortly after Sam and I met. Castiel's went off a long time ago, and it still sings some days, but the song is more and more sad than the first time, because he is no closer to mating. _

"_The moment an angel marks your soul as theirs, the universe sings. That song is much different than the song of the Grace. It is pure and... beautiful. If it were to take a form, it would be one that was never meant to be seen. Much like an angel's true form. It would scorch the eyes of a mortal. And from the moment the angel, or being, mates with their other half, the two lives are joined. If one dies or is harmed, the other feels it. You'd be drawn to your mate when they are in danger, and you would be drawn to them in times of great emotion. Any distress or intense pleasure would make you want to be with them. And there is nothing that stops and angel, or being, from getting to their mates in those times. _

"_Castiel has found his mate, but unlike me, he has not claimed them. He's made no move to court them, from what I can see. And he suffers for it," Rose had said._

I sat down at the library desk, deciding to do a little research of my own while Sam went on his date. I'd gotten a text a while ago letting me know that the two of them would be getting a motel room so that they could do _things_ without disturbing the rest of us. I was both grateful and suspicious of that.

I'd just gotten to the book that I was sure would give me the most information on mating when I heard Cas's wings and knew he'd shown up. Great, just what I needed. Actually... it might not hurt to ask an actual angel about it. I didn't have to tell him I was looking to see if I could figure out who his mate was.

"Hey Cas," I said without looking up. I knew he wouldn't really like that, but I was trying to find the right chapter. I wasn't as good at researching as Bobby and Sam were, and it was obvious. Actually... I hadn't seen Bobby _or_ Kevin today... weird.

"Dean. There is something I wish to tell you," he told me, taking the chair across from me. Damn, and I was so close too. I really needed to not get distracted anymore. I sighed in my mind and raised my head up to look at him, shooting him a grin.

"Sure, what's on your mind?" I asked, sitting back on the chair and pushing the book away. I decided I might as well get the information straight from the source, rather than trust some book.

"It is... about my mate," he said, struggling with his words. My eyes lit up; he was going to tell me who it was?

"I actually wanted to ask you about that!" I said, smiling to myself. Cas looked uncomfortable, like this was not how he wanted this to go. "Did you have a choice in it?"

"Not... exactly. I could have changed it if I truly did not want him, but I have no wish to change it," Cas replied. I didn't miss the pronoun.

"Him?" I asked, distracted.

"Yes, my mate is a mortal man," Cas nodded, and he seemed happy that I hadn't freaked out. It gave me hope that I hadn't felt in a long, long time.

_Castiel_

I watched Dean's reactions closely as I answered his questions. I had known that Freyja had told both Sam and Dean quite a bit about mating, but while Sam had understood, Dean had needed more explained to him.

"So then... How do you know for sure that you've found your mate?" Dean asked. I took a moment to think about how to phrase it for a human.

"Your soul looks so much brighter than everyone else's. And the feelings that accompany that are equivalent to love, I suppose. Though it is a human emotion, I would imagine that's close to what an angel feels when they meet their mate. I feel it every day that I am in... his presence," I replied, careful not to give it away yet. Though he was taking it well, I was sure that he wouldn't want to know that he is my mate.

"And you found yours when?" he asked. I sighed.

"A long while ago. I have not acted yet," I assured him. "You would know if I had."

"Why would I know?" Dean asked, looking interested.

"The mating process... changes the beings a slight bit. Also, you know my mate. So you would see the difference in both of us," I explained.

"I... know him? Please tell me you and Rose don't share a mate, because that would be awkward," he replied, his eyebrows scrunching up.

"No, Sam is no more than a friend to me. He will never be more," I said, feeling the urge to laugh. I had never truly laughed before... mating was strange.

"And when you want to mate, is there some kind of ceremony-ritual-thing?" he asked. This time, I really did laugh.

"No, Dean. It is simply sex," I told him. He actually blushed, something I had never seen Dean do before. It was very out of character, and I immediately wanted to make sure he was well. "Are you ill, Dean?"

"Um... no. It's just... hot in here," he stuttered, his blush deepening. I nodded, knowing that it wasn't at all hot. It was rather cool in the library. Then I noticed the book he was reading.

"You know, Dean, you would learn a lot more about mating if you were to mate with an angel yourself," I stated casually.

_Dean_

"You know, Dean, you would learn a lot more about mating if you were to mate with an angel yourself," he stated, staring right into my eyes.

He didn't... oh my god, he really did just say that. And he was completely serious too!

"Um... Cas... Nice as that is, no angel is going to want to mate with me," I told him, looking down. I missed the frown that immediately appeared on his face, because I was busy trying very hard to _not look at him!_

"I would like to mate with you, Dean," he said, sounding completely serious again. But... no... Cas had finally found his sense of humor, and it was hurtful.

"Don't... don't say things you don't mean, Cas," I told him, still not looking up.

"But I have said nothing I do not mean, Dean," he replied, sounding confused. And that's when I realized he meant it. Castiel wanted me for his mate. I was his mate? Why hadn't he told me sooner?! But when I expressed that, he looked skeptical. "Had I said something before Sam mated with Freyja, would you have reacted as you are now, so calmly?" he asked.

"Ye-no, probably not. But you still should have told me. I would have come around," I said quietly.

"You would not have wanted me, as you don't now," he said calmly, but I could hear that he was hurt.

"Cas, I do want you now. This is just taking me by surprise. I didn't expect it," I assured him. I finally looked up and met his eyes, and I was happy to see that he was smiling.

"You will mate with me?" he asked.

"Of course I will!" I replied, leaning forward the short distance (when had we started leaning in closer to each other?!) and kissing him.


End file.
